Well next time I'll just let you drown.

I'm not spiteful. No, I'm not a bitter, angry person. It just gets on my tits (to quote Miss Caines) when people are ungrateful little cabrones.

Okay, so you might not know, I work a few shifts a week as a lifeguard to supplement my impoverished student lifestyle. This morning, I had the joy of working a double shift from 10am on Valentine's day. Yes. While my friends are all out on hot dates, I'm watching a pool filled with a load of 70 year olds in see-through white speedos. So I'm having a pretty bad day. I then got out my phone to check the time (counting the bloody minutes) and some idiot comes up to me and says: "So...are we going to be lifeguarding or texting today? Don't think you would know about someone drowing unless you got a text message about it!" Excuse me...WHAT? Sisadzijo. Well, besame el culo. And then someone else comes up to me and says: "You know the problem with lifeguards is that they don't spend much time in the pool..." Okay, you're just an idiot. I had to train for 40 hours before I could even sit the 5 hour exam. If you really think that then I'll just leave you to drown next time. And then you won't be so smart.

Except I won't let them drown, because then their family could bloody sue me. Why didn't I just get a job as a shop assistant or a waitress? Sranje.

On a happier note, Novak starts playing in the Open 13 de Marseille on Monday. Hopefully he'll do better than his 2nd round dropout performance last year... He better beat Andy bloody Murray. *rages*

Can someone please tell me exactly WHO Novak's girlfriend is, please?

For once, wikipedia (my source of life and all knowledge) has failed me. Because I am CONFUSED.

There are several possible options as to who Novak's girlfriend actually is:

1) Jelena Ristic, long-term girlfriend (approx. 3 years). An economics student, and one year older than him. Last spotted with him in Shanghai in November 2008. You can even find her on facebook (don't worry, i'm not that much of a stalker. It comes up with her facebook entry when you type her name into google. Although I did feel slightly joyous when I found out that I have more than twice the number of facebook friends that she has. This probably denotes my relative lack of real social life. I really need to get out more.)

Jelena Ristic

2) Leryn Franco, a Paraguayan Olympic javelin-thrower/model/2006 runner-up Miss Paraguay (no, seriously). Apparently they met at the Olympics and she came to all his 2008 US Open matches. I just...have no words.

Leryn Franco

3) On/off Maria Sharapova? I've always thought that was just tabloid nonsense. But they do get awfully close for someone who is supposed to be in a long-term relationship with option #1...

Maria Sharapova and Novak Djokovic

(Yes, Novak's arm is around her)

Okay, can anyone clear this up for me? I am confused in the extreme. Maybe he dates all of them and just gets around a bit... Whatever works for him, baby I ain't judging.

On another note: ARGH THE AUS OPEN. I hate Roddick in the face. I think that says it all.